Tips to Boost Confidence and Build Self-Esteem

A few years ago, I was getting a meal with a friend when she asked me, "Have you always been confident?"

I immediately said, "I am not confident now."  I did not value my own abilities then, and as you know, confidence wavers. 

Through the conversation with my friend, I learned new things about myself and how to manage low self-confidence whenever it arises. 

​What are the personality traits of confident people?

Your state of mind is an important factor in high self-confidence. If you're feeling down or your body language presents gloomy, you will indeed portray having little confidence. While seeking advice from others and questioning yourself are normal behaviors, they don't necessarily mean that you lack confidence; instead, they can imply confidence. In a recent list of traits I found related to confident people, I learned that being willing to ask for help, admitting a lack of knowledge, and being willing to make a mistake are some personality traits of confident people. 

Different people express confidence in different ways because we're not all the same. If you take a step back and consider how you perform in your comfort zone, you can use it to gauge how your confidence levels increase or decrease based on your knowledge level. Remember, not knowing everything about a topic and asking for help isn't a sign for you to feel down about yourself. Still, it's an opportunity for you to recognize that you can not only operate within your comfort zone, but you're also willing to step outside of your comfort zone to grow and gain a new skill that can increase confidence in other areas of your life. 

​How can personal experiences impact your confidence?

Past trauma can often impact how we see ourselves. For some of us, a lot of self-confidence was chipped away because of different factors stemming from familial relations, short-term friendships, and long-term unhealthy working situations. During the conversation with my friend, we often referred to the word identity. Identity was derived from a Latin word meaning over and over again. Reading the definition of identity for the first time was a game-changer for me.

I recall a specific situation during my early 20s where I allowed people in my life to speak to me however they saw fit. Of course, this lack of regard ultimately impacted my feelings of well-being, which slowly diminished the full confidence I had in myself. I truly thought turning the other cheek was serving me well, but it gave me a lack of confidence. I was putting on a new identity because of what I was hearing over and over again, and this identity often served low self-esteem and low confidence. 

What does being confident means?

Confidence is a noun that means it is something to be possessed. It is a sense of trust or faith in a person, thing, or oneself. You must recognize your ability to work through new challenges to be seen as confident. You have to trust that your next decision is the right thing, even if it doesn't turn out perfectly. 

Five Different Things to Do to Have a Lot of Confidence

1. One confidence trick I use is not pushing away negative thoughts when they arise. Instead, I approach the thought with curiosity to see what I am meant to learn from it. For instance, if I doubt my ability to complete a specific task and negative thoughts begin to take over about my abilities, I will ask myself what I need to be able to complete the task. This allows me to move from negative to positive thinking to help me achieve the goal. 

2. We grow in confidence through what we do. Our growth will be limited if we don't develop new skills, meet new people, or try new adventures. A growth mindset will help you keep expanding in confidence because the different tasks you take on will cause you to step out of your comfort zone. 

3. Watching successful people online can either inspire or stir up doubt. The best way to mitigate this issue if it's causing doubt or impacting your beliefs in yourself is to take a step back from social media. You can choose how you want to use online communities and tools in your life, and there are seasons when staying connected or following certain people isn't the best way to reach the positive outcomes you desire. It's okay to step away.

4. Your mental health matters, so developing skills that help you better advocate for yourself will help you to grow in confidence. Communication skills are high ranking on the personal goals list to develop. If communicating clearly and effectively is difficult for you, then there is a good chance that you won't have complete confidence in yourself. Working on being a better communicator is a skill that you can take small steps to develop daily. 

5. One good thing about confidence is that it can be built over time. The amount of confidence you have doesn't have to remain at the level it has been for a long time. Through hard work and dedication, you can restore the childlike confidence you remember when you did that first adventurous thing with your best friend.

Journal about it or share in the comments.

1) How do you gauge your confidence?  

2) In what ways have you allowed others to control the way you see yourself? 

3) What's one thing you can do to do to increase your confidence?