Three Practical Ways to Find Joy on Mother's Day for Those Who Struggle

Every year Mother's Day comes along, and messages about the value of mothers are amplified. However, stories about painful encounters with mothers have been pushed away among some of us because Mother's Day is supposed to be a beautiful day filled with flowers, love, and good things. 

For so many years, I struggled with Mother's Day. I struggled with the feelings I experienced towards my mother and my desire to let this day be just like any other since I viewed my efforts as a mother as something I was privileged to do. I can't say that I am an expert when it comes to Mother's Day, but I can say that I feel at peace about my relationship with this day because I've taken the time to decide what it means for me. 

Three Practical Ways to Find Joy in Mother's Day for Those Who Struggle

Make room to reflect to determine what you need. 

Whether you are a mother or a child, you can choose how you would like to spend this day. As a child, I don't recall spending Mother's Day with my mom, nor do I have a similar connection with my mom as the connection my daughters have with me, so celebrating Mother's Day as an adult honoring my mother has been a struggle for a long time. Over the years, I have allowed myself to grieve what wasn't and embrace what is. I no longer feel bad about not celebrating my mother as others celebrate their moms.  

While grieving my relationship with my mom, I also had to learn to embrace the love my daughters have for me. They modeled the enthusiasm I have for them on their birthdays, and they desired Mother's Day to be the same for me. I hate to admit some years weren't easy for me to be doted on during Mother's Day. But, I have learned to embrace their enthusiasm, and I have also permitted myself to celebrate the efforts I make as a mother. 

I shifted my perspective when I got honest about what I could give to my mother and acknowledged the truth about our relationship. I let go of what wasn't and embraced what was. By letting go, I opened up more space in my life to receive love from my daughters and love from myself. 

You can choose to celebrate or not. 

One thing about this life is that we all have free choice to decide where we use our energy. There are so many holidays and observation days that I don't celebrate. I recalled thinking that many of these days aren't worth the effort, nor do they bring joy to my life. If celebrating Mother's Day doesn't bring you joy as a mother or child, it is okay to opt-out. 

Several years ago, I opted out of celebrating Mother's Day. My daughters were younger, and the pressure they were putting on me to be super enthusiastic was too much. I didn't have the energy, and I also didn't have the words to explain to my young daughters what I was experiencing. So, it was a bad Mother's Day for them, but it was a good one for me. So, yes, do I hear about the time I canceled Mother's Day? But, I also now have the words to explain to them why it was important for me to make that decision for myself all those years ago. 

Celebrating Mother's Day is a choice, and some years you may choose to go all out, while others may be very low-key. But, no matter your choice, please don't let guilt accompany it. Guilt can make seemingly simple decisions feel extremely hard. When you choose what you need, there's no need to allow outside expectations, others' journeys, or previous celebrations to deter you from doing what is right for you now. 

Make Mother's Day your own.

After canceling Mother's Day, I learned that I could make it my own. I can call or not call my mom, depending on what I can give. I can set the perimeter for how I want to be celebrated by being upfront with my family. So, nowadays, Mother's Day is a relaxed day for me. I don't feel trepidation about doing it wrong or worrying if other people would understand. 

You can choose to make Mother's Day your own by considering what would put a smile on your face. Also, remember that while the day is set aside for mothers, you can celebrate the full day or an hour or two and call it a day. 

Happy Mother's Day and I pray that whatever this day looks like for you is filled with peace.